Friday, September 19, 2014

Astroturfy Prosecutors Against Gun Violence

The problem with being a world-weary, cynical pessimist is that the human condition doesn't surprise anymore. Nothing is ever new. No extraordinary depravity invigorates. Peter has been robbed for Paul so many times that it's a given. No lie is too big, no crony capitalist too brazen, no politician too craven to eclipse what has already occurred. It's all the same o' - same o'.

Then... something pops up that restores one's faith in the lacks of humanity:

Prosecutors Form New Coalition to Combat Gun Violence
          USA Today, Yamiche Alcindor, 9/17/14

(USA Today)
This breathless article from USA Today (America's Fish Wrapper) plows the same old barren ground, but does so in such an over-the-top, unreflective, and unexamined way as to make it truly extraordinary. It's penned by Yamiche Alcindor, who, despite her name, is not an Asian basketball player, but a "breaking news reporter, [who] splits her time covering quickly developing incidents and stories about the social issues affecting the USA. She's also a proud Miami Heat fan." (Well, that ship has also sailed.) Apparently proficient with the copy/paste function, she has crafted an article almost certainly pulled directly from the Prosecutors Against Gun Violence press release. That lack of journalistic discretion is in no way unique these days, but her transmittal of so many obvious howlers and her own embellishments make it damn enjoyable.

"As concerns mount over shootings and mass killings..." Ms Alcindor wastes no vowels before sticking her toe in the incredulity. On Sep 17th, 2014, just where are those mounting concerns? It may seem like a small literary fiction, but it provides a disingenuous answer to the important "Why now?" question. I don't see it - maybe those prosecutors are better at discerning the facts... To that point: 

"The group, Prosecutors Against Gun Violence, includes attorneys from several major metropolitan centers including Manhattan, Brooklyn, Los Angeles, Seattle, Miami, Houston and Milwaukee." Umm... any faint suspicion that since the cities listed have some of the worst rates of violence, they might not have the best solutions to gun violence?

" 'We are really key players in fighting gun violence proactively,' said Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr." (He's the son of Cyrus Vance, failed Secretary of State to Jimmy Carter, the second worst President of the modern era.) Junior then spends the rest of paragraph describing how he procedurally reacts  to crime. Junior DA also claims to have "[H]elped dismantle gun gangs in New York City." Oh, this is good: gun gangs? Poly pistols or ol' skool 19-eleventy fans? Hey Cy, how about calling them drug gangs, robbery gangs, or extortion gangs? That is, if you intend to be the least bit honest. 

Feel the Smarm
LA DA Mike Feuer

" 'Our members will draw from our colleagues' most effective strategies and join forces to advance policies that can save lives,' said Los Angeles City Attorney Mike Feuer, the other co-chairman." Oh, man... that's some Extra Large Grade AA feldercarb right there. In a town (my town) with 450 acknowledged gangs, a justice legal system charitably described as "catch and release", a frightening amount of radically reduced plea bargained charges, a vicious inner city, and an out of control murder rate, this ex-city councilman, ex-state assemblyman, current political whore is holding himself out as the fount of all wisdom? With barely a year in office? Oh, this is rich

"Feuer says the group will be more than just slogans."  ....Stop it! You're killin' me! 

He Fights Your Freedom
Click to Imbiginate
Look for lots of press releases with half-baked declarations, juicy quotes ...and slogans, lots and lots of slogans. There will be elaborately staged TV appearances, commercials, and fawning articles and "news reports" like Ms Alcindor's. Whomever paid for this goat rope (and I'll bet Miley Cyrus' modesty we all can guess who the Sugar Cola Daddy really is) will expect nothing less. As for "Why now?" I'll further bet that these Prosecutors, cloaked in the dignity of the office they are absent from, will figure prominently in attack ads in this coming November. Perhaps they'll support Bloomberg favorite John Hickenlooper, the hard-pressed, anti-gun light-weight, stooge and Colorado Governor.

Does anyone not feel the hairy, hidden hand of Michael Bloomberg, That Nasty Little Fascist? (Thank you, Michael Bane.) The obsessive focus on the guns themselves is a damn good indicator. After all, the agendas and conclusions came long before the Prosecutor's first meeting. Might it be, I don't know, a rush to judgement? (Feuer should be very familiar with that term.) Think the tried and untrue demonization of an object was a foregone conclusion? You betcha: It's the guuuuuns!

And I thought the depths of the human condition had already been plumbed.

1 comment:

  1. Love the TIME cover spoof! My first thought was that the publishers would be upset, but then countered that thought by claiming to pronounce the title differently.

    South Park style: TIMM-EH!!!

    My internal dialogue cracks me up sometimes. :)